Study recommends power should be preserved for elite

A study published on the 30th of April by the Foundation for Engagement Against Contemporary & Established Studies (FEACES) has found that with the proliferation of democratic processes in Western nations has found that with each new generation of citizens “the psyche of each individual is degraded to a state of laziness, contempt and apathy”.

The report’s author, Dr Jorge Disbran, has stated that “this is conclusive proof that democracy is a failed ideology,” and that “the benefits of having a democratic political system have been fundamentally usurped by my work”. The four year study was undertaken by Dr Disbran and his class at the University of Queensland after having receiving funding from FEACES.

The study suggests that governments that have high levels of citizen participation in governmental processes take measures to ensure that government officials and public officials have primary say in areas of public policy due to their “innate abilities to make the best decisions all the time”. The study recommends that citizenship be limited to only those that “exhibit their competency in the fields of economics, psychology, and philosophy as well as be able to adhere to a strict diet of Machiavelli and Platos for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

Dr Disbran elaborated on the data, saying “this study can attest to why citizens of democratic nations between the ages of 16-30 are becoming apathetic, lazy and generally more derelict.” He maintains that the study is ‘fool-proof’ and is “impenetrable to the criticism of saboteurs and wreckers.”

Tabel B’Rwond, a student that participated in the study, spoke to Tharunka and commented that the study had been conducted in “the most scientific of environments” and “included peoples of all races.” Mr B’Rwond went on to compliment on the extensive work undertaken by Dr Bellison.

The study claims that nation-states that disinvest in electoral processes, or do away with them entirely, and increase funding into what the report calls “exclusive private institutions that promote the development of Platonic philosopher-kings” will develop into highly advanced societies.

When queried as to how exactly the study was carried out Dr Disbran pointed out that the details were irrelevant and that he had the right to deny Tharunka the “privilege of such profound knowledge”.  Dr Disbran extended his support to the Liberal National Queensland state government, mentioning that “the voter ID laws being proposed by [Attorney-General Jarrod] Bleijie go in the right direction” but that “there needs to be further movements towards solidifying the Campbell governments efforts to creating a state in the vision of Plato’s Republic.”

At the time of publication an anonymous email was sent to Tharunka explaining the study was conducted with a sample size of 33 students from several unmentioned east coast states of Australia.

 JK Glud