Seven Things Women Must Remember

By Hersha Gupta

In today’s modern age, women are constantly striving to prove themselves, running the race with men to be independent and ambitious. But there are some duties that are just better done by us women! Restore that grace and humility that makes us truly unique, and follow these seven things that women should do but don’t do anymore.

1) Maintaining Oneself

As a woman, your most valuable asset is your looks. Don’t let society fool you – your Doctorate in astrophysics will only get you so far in achieving a fulfilling and successful life. Instead, channel that unwarranted effort into a simple daily regime of waxing, plucking, moisturising, or setting yourself on fire if you’re in the mood to feel particularly hot and dangerous.

2) Cursing in public

You must be elegant, classy and maintain your composure, no matter how upset you are. In fact, just don’t say words in general. You won’t please anyone by revealing you have emotion, and don’t risk upsetting him by speaking your opinions. A polite nod and coy laugh will suffice in any situation.

3) Making his plate

As a heterosexual, cisgender woman, it is your duty to first and foremost prove your love to your man. And there is no better way to express your gratitude and unfaltering servitude than fixing him his plate! Don’t limit yourself to doing so just once a day – be on-hand 24/7 with a prepared plate of his favourite food.

4) Complimenting men

As a woman, it is your duty to continually express your gratitude to your man. Don’t bore him with your petty day-to-day problems, like mild street harassment (take those hoots as a compliment!), or workplace misogyny (it’s not all men, after all). Instead, use the few words you will say to boost your man’s morale after a long, tiring day.

5) Do not express boredom

Being honest and open in a relationship is good for the short-term, but won’t win you a long-term man-prize! Keep that lipstick smile plastered to your face as he patiently explains to you the meaning of the word “patriarchy” for the fourth time.

6) Prove that he is YOUR man

He is yours and nobody else’s. Get the message across to all the other jealous women on the hunt to steal what is yours. Tag yourself in all of his photos on social media, and if this doesn’t work, try a more permanent form of identification, like tattooing your name across his forehead.

7) Speak your mind!

Despite what we mentioned earlier about not expressing boredom, we all know that women are genetically superior at gossip and catfights. Take advantage of it! Say what you are feeling! Except of course, when you are upset, cross or emotional. You’re probably just triggered because it’s that time of month again.

So, ladies. Follow all the above steps and I can guarantee you will achieve that sparkly, fulfilling, Donna Reed lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of!