Seeking New President and Vice-Chancellor

An exciting opportunity to lead Australia’s finest corporation-cum-educational institution into the 21st century has arisen. UNSW is searching for its next President and Vice-Chancellor, following the imminent retirement of our beloved benevolent ruler, Professor Fred Hilmer.

For too long have we suffered under the socialist reign of terror enacted by Professor Hilmer. For too long have students borne the brunt of a university committed to their education over their contribution to the University’s coffers. The time has come for direct action.

Arise, good ‘Corporate Integration Director’! Come forth, fair ‘Services Usability Specialist’! Hark, all ‘Dynamic Functionality Consultants’! Soon, you too shall stand upon the vast plains of the Village Green and proclaim, “My name is Vice-Chancellor, king of kings: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”.

Essential Criteria:

1.       4-Point Plan transcribed on, at minimum, a paper napkin.

2.       A single-minded commitment to the ruthless pursuit of extracting the maximum possible “dollar dividend” from a 55,000-strong student body.

3.       Prior experience running an industry giant, preferably of the media monolith variety, into the ground.

4.       Willingness to integrate the phrase “fee deregulation” a minimum of two times into every conversation for the duration of your term.

Desirable criteria:

1.       Knighthood or damehood.

2.       An easily caricatured face.

3.       Respect for freedom of speech.

4.       Sith Lord vibe optional.

Ammy Singh [twitname]ammyed[/twitname]