Agony Ibis: Queer

 

By Mirachael Racela

 

Dear Agony Ibis,

I’m all for marriage equality, and it’s been great to see groups on campus advocating for queer people. The real question is, how do we make sure our vote counts?

Kind Regards,

Allied Allyson

 

Dear Allyson,

It’s not that hard to make sure your vote counts, trust me. Let Mama Ibis bring you under her wing.

 

  • Don’t glitter bomb the poor people getting paid to count these ballots

 

Why settle for mini glitter bombs in those tiny, baby envelopes encasing our votes when we can go big? You know what I’m talking about. And no, it’s not the website that lets you send packages of glitter to your enemy (which I may have done once or twice).

I bet Arc has a huge cannon stored way somewhere. Maybe they used it at a Roundhouse party back in the good ol’ days? We need that cannon and loads of glitter. I’m talking Costco quantities (there’s nothing like buying in bulk). We need to make it rain glitter, all over campus.

Now that I think about it, I could recruit my siblings and friends to roll in glitter (just like we roll in rubbish) and you could shoot us out of the cannon. We can drop rainbow Skittles and M&Ms from our glorious beaks into the adoring crowd below. PETA will be pissed. It will be worth it.

 

  • Actually fill the ballot out properly

 

You know you’ve got to tick the box you like the most? Yes, this is a multiple-choice survey. Read the instructions very carefully, read the wording of the question very carefully, and vote away!

And that’s all you need to know really. Make glitter cannons, not glitter bombs, and tick the box before chucking it in the post-box (they still exist, I promise, us ibii sometimes mistake them for terrible bins with no food).

Sincerely Yours,

Mama (Agony) Ibis